Today Im going to blog for a min (or 10) about the events of last Friday.
Im not really sure how to start, so Im just going to type.
Everyday I read the paper, listen to the radio, google Sandy Hook, just trying to get more information about the victims, the families, the tragedy. The amount of times Iv randomly burst into tears while driving is beyond me. But why? Mikey keeps asking me why I keep reading about it if it makes me so sad. My parents say 'just turn it off, it will just upset you.' And maybe they have a point, why do I keep reading about it and thinking about it if it's just going to upset me? Maybe because ignoring it wont make the fact that it happened go away. Maybe because the families of the victims don't get to 'just turn it off' so why should we be able to make it go away that easily? This tragedy didnt just happen to those families, it happened to this entire nation.
This isn't the first major tragedy this nation has endured, but being a parent, its the one hits me closest to home. And as morbid as it is I dare you to find a parent who didnt immediately think 'what if that was my baby?' when they first heard about the shooting. Even the mere thought of losing your child in such a way is heart wrenching, so then you think what those poor parents must actually be feeling and the pain is unfathomable.
I know youve probably heard it a million times but you literally have no idea how much your heart can love someone until you have had a child. Its like all the love you have for everyone in the world combined and multiplied by a billion and put into one (or several) little person(s). When you have a child its like you are literally ripping your heart out and letting it walk around outside your body, with no ribs or muscle tissue to protect it. Its just there in the great wide open where the whole world has access to it. And it is the most terrifying feeling imaginable. And when your heart gets hurts, you get hurt. And when your heart gets bullied, you get bullied, and when your heart gets so uberly excited over seeing Santa ride around in a decorated fire truck, you get urberly excited and cry ugly tears of happiness knowing your heart has found joy in something so simple. And when your heart gets brutally murdered, then I imagine, you do too. Because you no longer have a heart inside you, that was your heart, and now its gone. So now you are a walking, breathing, corpse. And if you have more than one child then I imagine you still have parts of your heart, but it will never be whole again. And you will try your best to heal it because you know those other little people need you now more than ever. But it will never be the same.
And this, this is just my theory as to how bad it would hurt to lose a child. To actually lose a child, I.cant.even. And as a human in general you know that anything can happen, that any day could be your last, but sometimes it takes a tragedy like this to make you remember to hold your loved ones a little tighter, and let the little things slide. Not a day has gone by since Friday that I havent looked at Pey and hurt for those parents and at the same time been so very thankful that I still have her little body to squeeze tight.
So next time you hear someone talking about it on the radio, or the Tv, dont turn it off. Instead watch it, and be thankful for what you have. Learn about the victims, so they can be remembered forever. Dont immortalize the shooter, you will never know why, you will never have answers. Instead immortalize those little angles whos lives were cut way to short. And those teachers who died as heroes, giving their lives to try to protect their students. Dont try to forget about what happened because the parents of those babies will never be able to forget. Just try to live each day as a better person. Love a little harder, give a little more, show a little more patience, be a little better.