0 Holden James: a baby story

Friday, March 7, 2014

I obviously threw in the towel on blogging a while ago. I tried to deny it and come back time and time again but life kept getting in the way. I hope that maybe one day I can have a blog again, and I can stick to it, and it can be my happy place like it once was before, but for now like Khloe and Lam Lam, its just not working out.

I did however come back for a brief moment to write down the birth story of the newest little Woolsey member. Mostly for myself. So I wouldn't forget the details somewhere down the line. And if you chose to read it, thats cool too.

If you follow me on instagram, or are my friend on facebook, or we know eachother in the real world, then you're probably well aware that my little man was late to the party. He thought my uterus was the bees knees. He wasnt ever coming out. I can't say I really blame him. I mean it has been snowing a crap ton lately. Also things like war and Justin Bieber exist out here. It's intense.

So 40 weeks came and went and I had been stuck at a solid 1 1/2 cm for the past 3 weeks. After a few sweeps of my membranes I was finally at 4 cm and his head was low, like real low. PROGRESS. It was so nice to hear. That was on a Friday. I kept saying to myself 'its going to happen this weekend. this is it!' but then the weekend came and went and I was still very much pregnant. At this point my dad said he wasn't convinced and I must have just eaten too many burgers in the past 9 months or something. I was starting to think he had a point.

I had an induction scheduled for Monday the 24 at 9pm. I was really hoping to avoid induction this time around, wanting to do this thing as natural as possible. But my Dr was adamant about me being induced at some point during this week and my parents were heading to Delaware for a few days and offered to bring Peyton with them. I figured I may as well stick with the Monday night induction so that I wasnt putting too many people out by having to help out with our baby girl. At my appointment that afternoon I was still at 4 but that was a good start. My Dr said she hoped that meant this labor would move fast. It being my second and all. uh Chayeah.

I went home, double checked my bags, packed Peyton up, and bounced my heart out on a birthing ball still hoping that maybe this kid would come on his own. Mikey came home and we spent a few more hours together as a family of three before dropping P off at my sisters and heading to the hospital to have this baby. I was actually going to have this baby. It was crazy. One way or another this little man would be here soon.

We parked the car and headed in. Passing a large group of pregnant woman and their men on a hospital tour. They stopped talking and parted the way for Mikey and I to walk through and got really quiet and wished us luck. All I could think was 'kill me now.' I mean who has a hospital tour on Monday at 9pm? After stopping at about 12 different desks to ask if this is where we check in and thinking we probably should have taken the hospital tour, we finally reached our destination. We checked in and got situated in our room. My dr decided that because I was already at 4cm we would wait until the morning to start the pitocin. Why I had to come in that night is beyond me. Mikey was good with it though he kept saying he was on vacation. Riggghhttt.

vacation ^^^

After a very restful night of being hooked up to monitors and Ivs and having to constantly get up to pee it was finally morning and I was ready to get this show on the road. Because come on it had been like 15 months and I was so ready to meet this little guy. I was able to eat breakfast and then we started the pitocin drip. After 8 hours of being on that and having regular, but very manageable, contractions I was checked and alas, 4 cm. FAACCCKKK. We turned the pictocin off and decided to take a different route. I took a shower and ate some dinner and we moved to phase two.

At around 9 that night (if you are counting I have now been in the hospital for 24 hours and made all of zero progress) my Dr inserted cytotec into my whooha. (For those of you unfamiliar with the birthing process, there are no boundaries and no shame and the whole of the labor and delivery floor will have seen you naked at one point or another during your stay) I was told that it would take a few hours to kick in but this should soften my cervix and help to dilate me. A few hours later I was contracting again but still nothing unbearable. We did another half dose of the cytotec. It was a long night of 'eshh these contractions are uncomfortable enough to keep me awake all night but not strong enough for me to think that I will actually be birthing a child any time soon.'

Its now around 7:45 the morning of the 26th (34hr 45 min) Mikey and I were having a conversation, probably something along the lines of 'no I feel totally fine and in fact my contractions have all but stopped and I should probably just go home...' when all of a sudden the baby made a sudden jerk and I felt and heard a loud 'pop!' Not totally sure but I think my water just broke.... but where was the water? Was that my water? I dont know but it kind of hurt. Just then my Dr came in to check me... almost... drum roll please... 5!!!!!! Are you actually kidding me? I have been here for 35 hours, poked and prodded and drugged and I have only progressed almost 1 cm?!?!@)(#**@(!*#!@*(@&#!!@(@)!!!!

"would you like me to break your water?"

"does a bear sh#t in the woods?!?"

ok I didnt say those exact words but you know...

She went ahead and was going to break my water come to find it was already broken, well would you look at that. Gushhhhhh there it went.

And just like that my labor took off. (Down a dark a fiery road to hell)

My nurse, who I absolutely loved in every way, was told that I was *attempting* an epidural free birth. I went in there saying I would try it but I would also not be hard on myself if things didnt go my way. After all I was being induced and that almost certainly means a longer labor. But she was so supportive and let me know no matter what she was there and I could do this. Mikey thought I was insane but he kept his words to himself and supported my decisions no matter how crazy they seemed. crrraazzzyyy.

After my water broke things escalated rather quickly. My contractions went from a barely there to good God I have never felt this much pain in my life before what was I thinking?!? In a matter of minutes. My nurse got me a birthing ball which helped SO much and Mikey rubbed my back through every contraction. I just sat there and screamed things like "FUCK ME" and "THIS FUCKING HURTS" and "SHHHIITTTT" Im pretty sure I scared the entire labor and delivery floor into having epidurals immediately administered to them. I was loud. Like really really loud. And I think the door was open.

Then there was this moment where I had two INTENSE contractions in a row and I remember saying as the second one started to take off 'oh no no no no im not ready for another one!!' and bursting into tears and then I screamed 'HE NEEDS TO COME OUT NOW!!!!!' My nurse reminded me that it hadnt been very long and I was only at 5cm and it probably wasn't time to push but I assured her that "HE NEEDS TO COME OUT HE HAS TO COME OUT!' so she called the Dr in and while we waited she checked me and I was at an 8... only an 8. I couldnt push. But thats all I wanted to do. No I literally needed to. It felt like my body was ripping me apart from the inside out. She asked me if I wanted an epidural and assured me that it's ok If I got one. I had come so far and done so well and it was ok. And I said 'YES GET ME THE DRUGS!' Not exactly that but like YES YES I WANT IT! anything to take the pain away. You know that scene from knocked up? That was me.

But because I was only at an 8 she called in the anaesthesiologist and he arrived at the same time my Dr did. She checked me again and I was at 9. 9...not 10. Would I ever be at 10?! At this point I was running any and every scenario through my head as to avoid having to feel any more pain. They could just cut him out right? RIGHT?! Because seriously 'HE NEEDS TO COME OUT NOW!!!' But she told me I could start to do some little pushes if I wanted to. And I wanted to. So I did. So the anaesthesiologist slid out and said 'ill jut be out here...' (you crazy crazy really loud lady) But my little pushes turned into big pushes and I wasnt stopping until he was out. They were all telling me how great I was doing and to look because he was almost there and I wanted to kill them all because my eyes were glued shut while I screamed at the top of my lungs and pushed that baby out with all that I had.

Two minutes later at 9:08 am (36 hours and 8 minutes) on February 26th Holden James Woolsey was born. I think Mikey and I were both a little shaken up. It all went so fast. My body couldnt stop shaking. But I had him. All 8.9 lbs of him. And the pain stopped. And I could breathe again. And everything was ok.

I have people saying why in the world would you chose to not have an epidural?! And honestly I just simply wanted to see if I could do it. Its literally what our bodies were made to do and I wanted to experience real, true, raw, child birth. I in no way want to be patted on the back for it, or told Im some kind of super woman, because Im not, although you kind of do feel a little bit super after surviving that. It was 100% for me. And I did it. But in the end all that matters is that I have this sweet little boy in my arms and that he is healthy and perfect.

I wanted to write out my birth with Holden so that I could be sure to remind my future self exactly how it felt. They say a woman forgets the pain after a while and that is why she goes back to have more babies. And even after a week Iv already found myself being like 'it wasn't all that bad' and then immediately im all 'shut up Ashley dont be dumb. You thought you were literally going to die.' As I was being wheeled to my post delivery room I told Mikey and my nurse I wanted to do it, and I did it, but I think one time is enough for me. But never say never right? Right......


So far Holden has been nothing short of amazing. He sleeps a lot and eats a lot so he fits right in with this family. We literally could not love him more. His big sister is smitten and she has been such a huge help this past week. We are so grateful and lucky and happy that he finally decided to join us out here in the real world. Welcome home Holden we love you! 

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