6 Oh wait... she's only two

Sometimes I forget that Peyton is only two years old. That she has only been on this earth for two short years. She has only been walking and talking for one of those years and she has only been understanding for even less. It's like they say she's only been here two years but I can't remember or imagine a life with out her. It seems like she has always been here. But she's only two.

So when I get frustrated that she gets frustrated when her train jumps the track and she can't get it back on, I tell her to clam down and just put it back on. Then I think 'oh wait.. she's only two.' Calming down and analyzing the situation isn't really something she's keen on.

When she gets bored of sitting on the potty for 20 min. with out going and I say 'It's only been 20 min. how about 10 more?' Then I remember oh wait... she's only two. 10 min is like a year to them and 20 is like 10 years and I should be proud that she sat for this long with out complaining.

When she refuses to eat something or try a new food and I get annoyed because I spent x amount of time cooking it and preparing it thinking she will love it and then I remember oh wait... she's only two. She eats like a bird 80% of the time and new foods are weird to her. She know what she likes and I should be happy she eats anything at all. Or then when I put it away and she comes in 5 min later and says 'mommy I hungry' and then I want to say 'are ya flippin kidding me?!' and then remember 'oh wait... she's only two' Feed the poor child.

Or when we are at the playground and it's time to go and temper tantrums are flying and when I say 'we will come back another day I promise but it's still the end of the world and I'm like 'oh wait.. she's only two.' This is the end of the world for her and coming back another day doesn't really register because in this very moment the playground is going away and she doesn't know when or if it will ever come back.

Moral of the story. I need to be more patient with her and remember she is only two and she really doesn't know any better and she is learning something new every day. It's hard because I see my nephew and Reese and they are so little and new and I think Peyton is all grown up but then when it's just me and her and she cuddles up with me on the couch under the blankets and tells me 'i bub you mommy.' I remember she is only two and she is little and she may not be a baby but she is my baby. So sorry for getting frustrated P mommy will work harder to help you understand everything this world has to offer and I will keep my patients while you discover all it's meaning.

6 Before I was mom...

Before I was mom I had all these opinions and thoughts about parenthood that I was sure I knew everything about. Then I actually become a mom and all of a sudden I knew nothing.

Unsuspecting Fool ^ ^ ^

I knew I would lose sleep and I knew raising a baby would be a full time job, I understood when people said 'stalk up on sleep now because you won't ever be fully rested after she comes out!' Yeah I get it, babies don't sleep. Oh boy did I not get it. And it seems you can tell new parents-to-be again and again about the lack of sleep they will endure and yet it's not until you are experiencing it that you will ever fully understand just how exhausting it can be.

I got it when people said there is no love like the love a mother has for her child. I understood that it was some whole new level of love that you never knew existed. I got that I would do anything for my future baby girl. Oh how I did not get it. There is no way to fully express the instant and extreme love you feel when you hold that new life for the first time. You think you love someone more than the world and that there could be no way that your heart could ever love something so much as your: husband, fiance, best friend, parent, sibling. Then you have a child. It's like some indescribable love that you could have never imagined. It's whatever you did imagine it would be and then multiplied by some ridiculously large number that I can't even come up with. You would risk your life for this little person that you hardly even know with out even hesitating for a millisecond. It's like the quote "you don't think 'would I jump off a bridge for this person?' you just jump.."

I heard every one say how fast it goes, how time flies, document every step, take in every minute because they grow so fast. I get it people, kids grow fast. Oh lord how I did not get it. I look at my 2 year old and think 'how did this happen?' every single day. Sometimes 5 times a day. I look at my nephew and think how is it that she was that little only two years ago? How did she get so big so fast? When did she start giving me attitude? When did she start talking back? When did this tiny thing take on a whole personality of her own? Did I take enough pictures? Have I made enough videos? I want to remember every little thing this baby girl does. I try my best not to blink because I don't want to have a 16 year old standing in front of me. Seriously it's a legit fear. That's how fast it goes.

Another thing I never understood before I was a mom that I thought I totally did... only children. I never got why parents would chose to have only one child (except for financial reasons) I never got why they would say one and done. In fact I may even go as far as saying I judged those parents for denying their child a sibling, and not wanting a big family. Now, I totally get it. I totally get how you could look at your baby and think, how could I ever love anyone as much as I love this child? If I had another kid, how could I open my heart up even more than I already have? I get thinking that having another child would take away from the 100% showering of attention your one and only has been receiving for their whole life to date. How you may think by adding to your family you will be taking away from that perfect little soul. I can totally understand it. I have always wanted a big family because I loved having a big family. If I can somehow financially support them, Id love to have five children. And I still want to, and I will always want to give Peyton a sibling. But I can say that I get it now, those who chose not to. Sorry for ever judging.

Being a parent is hard. And you can hear that all you want but you will never know if you're cut out for the job until you experience it yourself. All I can really say is, if you think you're up for it, it's the most rewarding job out there. Be prepared to change your whole life in drastic ways. But know that in the end it's all worth it.

What are some things you thought you understood about parenthood until you actually became a parent?